iCan't Do This
by BehindClosedEyes
Summary: Immediately following iOMG. What if it wasn't a happy ending for Sam after she kissed Freddie...


Hey Y'all. I know people really don't know I'm iCarly fan, let alone a HUGE Seddie fan, but I had to write something. I kept reading all these happy endings so I threw in some Angst. Need some sad. So R&R please. This is my first iCarly. Immediately follwing iOMG.

"Sorry…" I muttered, still in shock at my own actions. Of course, he just stood there, this eyes darting back and forth, following mind. "It's cool." His words were dry and weak.

It felt like an eternity while we stood there, just staring at each other. Well, I wasn't staring at him…I was staring past him. I didn't have the guts to stare in directly in the eyes at the moment. The wind was chilled and I could still hear the clock tower's ring, chiming throughout the night.

"Sam…I," I watched as Benson slowly came back to reality. His once ridged shoulders slumped and his, once filled with shock was now consumed with confusion and hurt. He stuttered, trying to get his breath. I just sat back down on the step he found me on just minutes ago. I didn't care to hear what he had to say. He knows my secret now…

I sighed and grabbed my water bottle, the plastic crunching under my tightening grip. I could feel his eyes watching my ever move but my sight stayed plastered to the concrete.

"Sam…I don't think I can…" My throat tightened and my breath held up in my chest. I knew these words were coming. "Say it Benson. Don't stutter." My voice didn't sound like my own. It was filled with venom and hatred. I tilted my head down, hiding my face with my hair. I could easily feel tears coming to eyes. God, Puckett, when you become a softy over this nerd.

I felt him sit down next to me and it wasn't at a distance. Hastily, he wrapped his arms around my shaking shoulders. I wasn't shaking because of the chilly air, or the fact that I was crying. I was crying because I was angry. No, I was furious with myself. Of all the things I could have done to show him what he meant to me, all the words I could have said, instead I flat out kiss him.

"Sam, please don't do this…_**I**_ can't do this…" His words shocked me. What the hell did he mean by that? I felt him bury his face into my shoulder and held me there. What came next wasn't the Sam Puckett no one ever saw, the Sam Puckett that always hid from the world. The Sam Puckett that was about to do something _**I**_ was going to regret.

Breaking from his grip, I rammed him with my shoulder, knocking down onto his back before I swung back and planted my fist straight into his chest. His breath escaped his lungs with a sickening gasp and his eyes widened with fear as he watched me stand. Through the tears, I could feel the scowl on my face, but my eyes were no longer filled with hatred. Through the scowl, I could feel more tears fall; I could feel my breathing becoming more difficult. Through my hate I could feel my pain, the pain that was sunk deep in my heart, the pain that was slowing shattering my heart.

He had his hand pressed to his chest where I punched him. Even he knew he was going to end up with a massive bruise, but for now, he was feeling just a fraction of what I felt. His breathing was still ridged and his eyes were tracing my movements. "Hurts, doesn't it Benson…" The icy words escaped from behind my lips as I took a few steps back. My eyes shot over to the door, which was slowly beginning to open. There stood a girl I've know for years. A girl I had called my best friend since I could remember. Now she stared at me as if _**I**_ was the bad guy. As if all of this was _**MY**_ fault.

Turning, I ran off, my legs taking me away. I easily jumped the courtyard fence and landed on the cold concrete. My hand was scrapped pretty good but that was the least of my worries. Behind me, I could hear their voices calling to me, telling me to come back. Their voices called my name but their words fell on deaf ears. Ignoring them, I just continued on walking. I can deal with them on another day, but for now…I just needed to be alone.


End file.
